Vinnie lives in his mom’s basement, Charlie Cole becomes a woman, Wahlid begins his quest to date only white women in this 2002 flashback.
Vinnie lives in his mom’s basement, Charlie Cole becomes a woman, Wahlid begins his quest to date only white women in this 2002 flashback.
Season 2 Cast (bold denotes cast appearing in this episode):
Natalie Wachen as Ashley Allen (Ester Edelman)
Chris Osbrink as Spencer Wilson
Joe D. Reitman as Stephen Sly / Elijah Edelman
Janora McDuffie as Monica Edelman
Andia Winslow as Effie Edelman
Brian N. Taylor as Vinnie Valient
Nan McNamara as Elizabeth Ellis
Eddie Goines as Wahlid Walid and Tommy
Ashley Chaney as Helen and Charlie Cole
John Kassir as Coach and Rabbi
Christian L. Scott as Tanya and Desiree
Rebecca Johnson Wendy Wilson and Yael
Jacques Derosena as Jamie Johnson and Jafari
CREDITS:
Written & Directed by Natasha Lewin
Produced by DaVida Chanel Smith of Creating, Etcetera
Engineered by Tom Fritze
Casting Director Medge Ross
Music courtesy of Brian Babylon
Copyright 2021
This episode contains adult content.
INT. TEMPLE - DAY
A baby CRIES.
RABBI May God bless and keep you. May you always live in peace. And may you bring as many blessings to our people as you do today. Now Esther, please lead us in Kiddush.
CHARLENE COLEMAN (Hebrew transliteration) Bah-ROOK-ah-ta Ah-DOH-nigh L-low-HAY-new Mel-ick-HA-oh-lam Bow-RAY-pie-ree HAH-guh-fenn.
RABBI Amen. We seal today’s 24th of Nisan 5762 -- that’s April 6th, 2002 to you Gentiles -- as we celebrate the Bat Mitzvah of Esther Coleman.
RABBI (CONT'D) Mazel tov, Charlene.
CHARLENE COLEMAN (sotto) I told you, call me Charlie!
INT. VALIENT HOME - DAY
VACUUM.
VICTORIA VALIENT He needs a job, Stevie. I can’t have him here at home anymore. He doesn’t listen to me.
STEPHEN SLY (on phone) What makes you think he’s gonna listen to me?
VICTORIA VALIENT He respects you.
STEPHEN SLY He respects my money.
VICTORIA VALIENT Same thing. Come on, you have to have something for him to do in that giant gulag of yours. Anything.
STEPHEN SLY It’s not a gulag, Victoria. It’s a corporation -- my corporation with my name on it. I don’t want any fuck-ups there.
VICTORIA VALIENT You’re there.
STEPHEN SLY And all my fuck-ups are mine.
VICTORIA VALIENT Have a heart. He’s your nephew.
STEPHEN SLY Fine, but sister or not, the minute he screws up, he’s out, alright?
VICTORIA VALIENT Absolutely. I owe you. Thank you.
STEPHEN SLY What’s he even good at? What’s he like to do?
VICTORIA VALIENT Well he likes video games and he’s good at getting rejected by girls.
STEPHEN SLY Christ.
EXT. SOCCER FIELD - DAY RUNNING.
Soccer NOISE. BIRDS.
WAHLID Pass! Pass! I’m open!
JAFARI Yes!! Yes! We win!!
FOOTSTEPS. GRUNT.
WAHLID Better luck next time, boys.
JAFARI Look at them go. Can you believe it? Not even one handshake.
WAHLID
When has the white man ever offered anyone their hand?
JAFARI Sore losers!!
WAHLID Jafari! We have better manners than that. Let them go.
FOOTSTEPS.
MALIKA Good game, Wahlid.
WAHLID Thank you.
FOOTSTEPS pass.
JAFARI (quietly) What the hell man? That’s Malika.
WAHLID And??
JAFARI She's gorgeous.
WAHLID She’s okay. She's not my type.
JAFARI Okay?? You need glasses, my brother. She’s everybody’s type. Even the other girls want to be her.
WAHLID That’s why I don’t like them either.
JAFARI What is with you? You get on me about manners then stiff the prettiest girl in Africa?
WAHLID I was polite.
JAFARI You blew her off. You blow off all the girls. I don’t get you.
WAHLID There’s nothing to get. I’m simply bored with the girls here.
JAFARI What?? The Gambia has the most beautiful women of all Africa.
WAHLID That’s the problem. Africa. What if I’d like a different kind of girl? An exotic one.
JAFARI Look at her go. What’s more exotic than a Gambian queen like Malika?
WAHLID A Dutch queen. An Icelandic one. An American. A --
JAFARI Don’t be crazy. Those girls are all white. You remember what Baba taught us: “Hands off white women or your hands will be chopped off.”
WAHLID Tiger Woods dates a Swedish woman.
JAFARI I don’t believe it.
WAHLID It’s true! I saw it in the papers.
JAFARI Well he’s Tiger Woods. You are just Wahlid.
WAHLID You’ll see. Once I leave Africa I will only date white women.
JAFARI You’re missing out, brother.
WAHLID No. I am doing exactly what white boys do with their jungle fever.
JAFARI More like melanated malaria.
WAHLID Whatever you want to call it, I want it and I will stop at nothing to have it, my brother.
EXT. ALLEY - DAY
TRAFFIC.
CHARLENE COLEMAN Hurry! Keep it down. Christ.
A heavy door SLAMS.
CHARLENE COLEMAN (CONT'D) Gimme a cigarette.
YAEL You’re technically a woman now. Buy your own.
CHARLENE COLEMAN Come on bitch. Gimme.
SHUFFLING NOISE.
YAEL Nice manners, Esther.
CHARLENE COLEMAN That’s my Hebrew name.
LIGHTER flicks.
CHARLENE COLEMAN (CONT'D) I am gonna change my real name one day.
YAEL To what?
CHARLENE COLEMAN Charlie. Charlie Cole. So start calling me Charlie, got it?
YAEL Sounds like a porn star.
CHARLENE COLEMAN You’re just jealous because I’m making something of myself and you’re gonna be stuck here with all this hymie shit.
YAEL Charlene!
CHARLENE COLEMAN Call me Charlie!! Fuck!!
INT. STEPHEN’S OFFICE - DAY
MUZAK. KNOCK at the door.
ELIZABETH ELLIS You wanted to see me?
STEPHEN SLY Yeah. Take a seat.
Door CLOSES.
STEPHEN SLY (CONT'D) No. Leave it open. It’s not that kind of meeting.
Door OPENS.
ELIZABETH ELLIS Never is anymore.
STEPHEN SLY Don’t be like that, Liz. I’ve been busy. It’s my sister, she wants me to hire her son.
ELIZABETH ELLIS Your mean your nephew?
STEPHEN SLY Whatever. I can’t stand him.
ELIZABETH ELLIS Okay. And you called me in why?
STEPHEN SLY
I want you to find him a job here.
ELIZABETH ELLIS Me?? How’d I get to be so lucky? Why don’t you ask Lucy on six, or Janice on four, or --
QUICK FOOTSTEPS. Door SLAMS.
STEPHEN SLY Stop that. You know you’re the only one I trust.
ELIZABETH ELLIS I seem to recall that’s exactly what you told Helen before you banished her to the basement. Is this your way of moving me too?
STEPHEN SLY No! God no! You’re my right arm and left leg.
ELIZABETH ELLIS Then I’m due a promotion.
STEPHEN SLY You’re right. Name it.
ELIZABETH ELLIS Really??
STEPHEN SLY Yes really, what’s your new title?
ELIZABETH ELLIS I want to be an executive.
STEPHEN SLY Okay. Done.
ELIZABETH ELLIS And I want to be a producer.
STEPHEN SLY Executive producer. You got it.
ELIZABETH ELLIS And I want it in writing.
STEPHEN SLY Come on. You don’t trust me?
ELIZABETH ELLIS You? The man who never returns my call and leaves in the middle of the night. No. Definitely not.
STEPHEN SLY Fine, I’ll have a contract drawn up and we’ll argue about your raise later, okay? First things first, my sister’s kid.
ELIZABETH ELLIS Fine. What’s his number?
INT. VINNIE’S ROOM - DAY
Video game NOISES. 2002 cell phone RINGS.
VINNIE Yep.
ELIZABETH ELLIS (on phone) Is this Vincent Valient?
VINNIE Depends. Who’s this?
ELIZABETH ELLIS I’m Elizabeth Ellis, Executive Producer at Sly.
VINNIE Unky Steve Sly?
ELIZABETH ELLIS Sure. I’m calling about a job.
VINNIE Awesome! Doing what?
ELIZABETH ELLIS That’s what I was going to ask you.
VINNIE Can I be an anchor?
ELIZABETH ELLIS No. You need experience for that.
VINNIE How about a cameraman?
ELIZABETH ELLIS Do you have experience with cameras?
VINNIE I have experience with electronics, and I’m an amateur photographer. Oh and I was in the AV club at school.
ELIZABETH ELLIS Okay, good. Which college?
VINNIE AV was high school. I’m enrolled at Santa Monica Community now.
ELIZABETH ELLIS I see. And how old are you?
VINNIE Nineteen. Man, you’ve gotta sexy voice. Are you single?
ELIZABETH ELLIS That’s not appropriate, Vincent.
VINNIE Call me Vinnie. That sounds like a good name for a cameraman, right?
ELIZABETH ELLIS It’s swell.
VINNIE So when do I start? Are you gonna be my boss?
Liz SIGHS.
INT. EDELMAN HOME - DAY
Soft JAZZ.
MONICA ELIJAH EFFIE Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Esther, happy birthday to you.
MONICA Make a wish!
EFFIE Ask for a dog!
ELIJAH No dogs, Effie.
BLOWS OUT CANDLES. Family CLAPS.
MONICA My baby’s officially a teenager.
ESTHER Only three more years and I can legally drive.
MONICA How’d you grow up so fast?
ESTHER I dunno mom, maybe something called aging.
MONICA What do you know about aging? You’ve still got all the world ahead of you.
ELIJAH Do you feel any different?
ESTHER Being 13? No, not really.
ELIJAH You know in Jewish culture turning 13 is when you become mitzvahed as a man or woman of God.
ESTHER So I can get bar mitzvahed?
ELIJAH It’s bat mitzvah for the ladies.
MONICA Do you want that, Esther? A bat mitzvah?
ESTHER I don’t know, maybe.
EFFIE Me too!
MONICA You’re too young right now, sweetie but when your Esther’s age, sure.
EFFIE Aw, man.
ESTHER So can I?
MONICA I don’t see why not? We can get her classes, right?
ELIJAH Sure. But Hebrew’s not easy. It’ll take a lot of studying.
ESTHER Ugh, my fave. Do you speak Hebrew?
ELIJAH Bits and pieces. Shalom.
EFFIE What’s that mean?
ELIJAH Hello??
ESTHER It means peace.
EFFIE How’d you know?
ESTHER Kids at school.
MONICA That’s nice.
ESTHER They call me Shalom Homie ‘cause I’mma Black Jew.
MONICA Who calls you that??
ESTHER It’s not an insult. I like it.
EFFIE I’m a Shalom Homie too.
MONICA Shalom homie. I don’t know what to feel about that. Elijah?
ELIJAH It’s cute. Peace, homie.
Effie and Esther LAUGH.
MONICA Oh lord. Don’t get your father started too. Effie, run in the living room and bring your sister’s present here.
EFFIE Okay.
FOOTSTEPS hurry.
ESTHER Would you be upset if I became a bat mitzvah?
MONICA Because you’re Black? Of course not. There are plenty Black and Jewish people.
ELIJAH Sammy Davis Junior....
MONICA He converted.
ESTHER Lisa Bonet. Lenny Kravitz.
MONICA See? Being Jewish doesn’t make you any less Black.
ESTHER So why don’t you convert?
MONICA
Jesus is the only name on my door, honey. But the Bible says Jews are the Chosen People. And Blacks were the first to build it all. That’s your family lineage. Black and Jewish kings and queens.
FOOTSTEPS hurry.
EFFIE Here.
ESTHER Is this what I think it is?
ELIJAH Open it and find out.
Package UNWRAPS.
ESTHER No way! An iPod!? Awesome!!!
EFFIE Can I have your Discman?
ESTHER No!!!
EFFIE Please? I can go get it.
ESTHER No, Effie! Stay out of my room. I’m warning you.
Tune in next week for another episode of White Privilege Radio Play.